Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
