***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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