i barfeds in our rink
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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