I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
