Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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