I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize