I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
