I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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