Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
