I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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