I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
