Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
