pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize