I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
