I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
