Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I pour the whiskey from now on
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
