dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
