my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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