I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
