he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
