the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
