Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
