We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
