i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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