I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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