Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
