I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
