p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
