You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
