well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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