Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Randomize
