Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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