The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
