I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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