My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
