I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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