should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
