his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
