Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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