There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
