i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
