If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
