I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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