so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
