It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
