What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
