She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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