your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
