The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
The adults are the big ones right?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
