when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
