OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
