I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
