im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm sobbing to NWA
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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