Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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