I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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