Welp...herpes.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
