I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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