just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
