I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
