I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
