mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
