thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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