Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
