I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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