Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Holy shit dude........stairs
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