do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
