is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
