I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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